


I Thought You Were Dead

by Kalyppso



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:09:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21557557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalyppso/pseuds/Kalyppso
Summary: Angry with Joker asking about dating EDI, Shepard chews him out. After some thought, he presents his side and resolves some emotional tension between them.
Relationships: Jeff "Joker" Moreau/Female Shepard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	I Thought You Were Dead

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this two years ago but I'm posting it here now.
> 
> All Mass Effect properties and characters have credit to BioWare, EA and their respective creators / owners. I'm just playing.

“What do you think about me and EDI?”

Joker had expected the look of surprise that crossed Shepard’s face, but not the concern in her tone as she asked, “Like, romantically?”

“Well, yeah …”

Her eyebrows knit together and her tone grew dangerously loud considering how close EDI was seated, despite the noise in the club as she answered, “The same EDI you jokingly called "mom” a few months ago? The same EDI who is barely three years old, who is still learning how to interact with organic life, and who’s only had a body for a few weeks? That EDI?“

"Uh-”

“Joker, not only is it amazingly unwise to date someone who has control over your oxygen supply, your access to firearms, and video records of everyone sleeping, talking and shitting for the past - who knows how long, that seems wildly insensitive to her as a person.” Shepard caught her breath and motioned to the bartender for a shot. “No. No, I don’t think you should pursue EDI.”

She extended a finger to him while she downed her drink, and continued as she paid through use of her omni-tool. “At least … not yet, I guess.”

“Now I know, I know there’s no time left in the galaxy,” she powered on, “and everything is happening now and it’s true that we should always live like it … And I feel like, you should know that while I’m coming from a place where I care about the both of you so much - that you might want to ask someone else, because it hurts that you would ask about her and not about me.”

Shepard had got up and left after that; after Joker had hesitated too long while her piercing eyes challenged him. They’d just been friends before, hadn’t they? And then after her resurrection - she should have hated him. She had every reason to. It seemed impossible that somehow this had been the result of his plea for advice.

After they activated the Crucible, it was about a day until they found Shepard, but even then, they’d locked her away in some medical lab for weeks afterwards. Her crew and associates, and the public, were assured of her survival, but what that meant was negligible in regards to her state of being. Covered in burns, broken bones, punctured organs and brain damage, Joker could only speculate that his comatose commander might never wake up. He knew that Miranda was assisting the medical team, based on updates from EDI and Liara, but the resources the Alliance and Citadel could dedicate to her recovery were dwarfed in scale by what the Illusive Man had once pumped into reviving her.

Now that most of her skin had grown back, the Alliance was allowing her to have guests - but this felt like it was only open to pay your respects, as she still hadn’t been roused from her dark sleep. He went to see her, once, twice, it was different than visiting an empty grave on Earth, but still he felt closest to her when he was running errands in the sky, wishing he’d be interrupted by a message of her recovery.

How long was it then, by the time he was awakened in the dead of night by a call from EDI: Shepard woke, and was speaking for about an hour before she’d passed out again - but only sleeping, it would seem.

Within the week he’d been granted another audience with his commander. His hand hesitated on the door, and he could feel the gaze of the guards prickling the hair on the back of his neck.

“Busy-bodies,” he muttered over his shoulder as he pressed his way inside.

“Joker!” Shepard exclaimed in greeting. She wore what appeared to be some kind of pale yellow duckling pajamas and a long white robe with blue trim, her skin was rashed in places and scarred in others, and she was seated in a wheelchair by the window; but her eyes were bright.

Joker felt himself tearing up and mocked a cough to regain his composure before he nodded respectfully, “Commander.”

She rolled her eyes in great exaggeration. “You better fucking hug me. If only James Vega gets written up for inappropriate conduct with a superior officer, I’ll kick your ass.”

A scoff punctuated their embrace as Joker leaned down into her outstretched arms.

“Gently,” she whispered against his neck, and Joker squeezed his eyes shut as he rest his hands on the warm skin of her neck. He wondered when he had last had human contact, and realized that now might not be the time to really speak with her.

“So,” he blurted as he pulled away, “you saved the galaxy - or more of it than most at least. How do you feel?”

Though Shepard smiled, she rang her hands together, something Joker had never seen her do. “I feel … proud. Pained.” She rubbed a tear from her eye, “More than a little defeated.” Her smile was largest as she finished, “Ready to rebuild.”

“I’m sorry about Anderson,” Joker said as he sat on the bed. “And many others.”

“Thank you,” Shepard answered as she looked at the floor. She glanced back up at him as she asked, “Any news of your family?”

“None. They could still be alive, but … I hope I see them again someday. Regardless.”

The woman nodded, her buzzed and bandaged head bouncing shakily in a nod.

Joker turned his attention to the table by the window, covered in booze, flowers and other gifts from guests. He fiddled inside of his pocket and retrieved a palm-sized model of the Crucible. “I, uh, got you something,” he said to change the mood. As she exclaimed her surprise and reached out for the trinket he added humbly, “They’ll definitely have larger ones soon, but still, someone’s making a killing on selling toys that resemble the invention of our salvation.”

The joy and excitement in Shepard’s eyes seemed to fade a bit at Joker’s last sentiment. “Right …” she muttered as she placed it on the table.

He felt his soul shrink a little as he wondered whether he should have just brought flowers. Weakly, he mumbled, “I thought it would make a nice addition to your collection.”

Her smile was still distant and polite as she agreed, “Definitely. Thank you.”

He removed his hat from his head and ran his hand through his hair restlessly. This mild disturbance was raising his marked disdain for himself. Joker couldn’t help thinking that if he’d already upset Shepard, there was no reason not to risk making the situation even more awkward.

“Shepard. **I thought you were dead.** Twice now.”

“Well you were right once -”

“Not helping.” Joker faltered. “I just. I came by … half a dozen times to visit your grave before I left to find Cerberus, and I think … I almost tried to forget you before they told me that you were their goal. It just hurt too much to think about. And I know we’ve been through this - but I got you killed. How was I supposed to live with that? Everyone on the Normandy knew, even then, that you were the best hope the galaxy had for survival.

"And then you woke up. You were back. Nothing felt real from then on for a long time. I had buried you, my career with the Alliance, my relationships with people. It was … insane, building a life again. Having your support.

"I know it took too long for me to see you as a person again, and not just … a concept, or a ghost. And I guess, what I’m building up to is, after you’ve recovered: What do you think about me and you?”


End file.
